England

England / Albion

OFFICIAL NARRATIVE :

England is a country that is part of the United Kingdom. It shares land borders with Wales to its west and Scotland to its north. The Irish Sea lies northwest and the Celtic Sea area of the Atlantic Ocean to the southwest. It is separated from continental Europe by the North Sea to the east and the English Channel to the south. The country covers five-eighths of the island of Great Britain, which lies in the North Atlantic, and includes over 100 smaller islands, such as the Isles of Scilly and the Isle of Wight. The area now called England was first inhabited by modern humans during the Upper Paleolithic period, but takes its name from the Angles, a Germanic tribe deriving its name from the Anglia peninsula, who settled during the 5th and 6th centuries. England became a unified state in the 10th century and has had a significant cultural and legal impact on the wider world since the Age of Discovery, which began during the 15th century.

UNOFFICIAL NARRATIVE :

(Warning: May contain hidden meaning)

The Kingdoms of Alba, Albion, Inis Fáil and to some lesser extend Kernaugh and Cymru battered each other for thousands of years. Throughout the millennia they endured all manner of hardships including ice ages, mythological monsters and meteor impacts. Then some Mediterraneans arrived and decided that the unruly and weather scarred archipelago of islands would make for a good frontier in the North. The Albions gave it up straight away and the rest of the kingdoms held out for more impressive conquerors. Some brutish types with magical lodestone navigation showed up from the other side of the North Sea and tried their luck. They got on well enough with the kingdom of Alba, but not so well with the Albions who by then had become softened by a prodigious penchant for Mediterranean fish oil. Eventually the Albions perfected the political skills taught to them by the Mediterraneans and bought out all the other kingdoms from under the residents feet. With greater taxes and an influx of greater competency, Albion cut down all the trees, made them into boats and conquered a quarter of the planet. Things went well for Albion after that and they collected even more taxes and attracted more competency. After a few good centuries, the kingdom of Albion decided that Mediterranean fish oil wasn't as good as it could be, so they told the fish oil salesmen to jog on and committed massive resources to the development of Tomato Ketchup. This also meant that the overweight king of the day got to have sex with his sister in law. After another few good centuries, the quarter of the planet wasn't enough, so the Albions exported their language to everybody else. This facilitated some form of common tongue and next thing anyone knew, people could fly. All flying people spoke the language and soon enough Albion controlled even more of the planet.

Today the other kingdoms bicker among themselves over local matters and Albion spends everbody elses taxes for them. Tomato Ketchup has become the global default in terms of the condiment market and fish oil is now only appreciated by dolphins and other sub tropical al-fresco aficionados.